Emotions in Resolving conflict.
One of the biggest contributors to escalating conflict is uncontrolled emotions. Emotions are defined as feelings that are prompted by one’s circumstances. These feelings are intuitive and they are not based on reasoning or knowledge. Emotions are normal and natural however they need to be kept in check because they can easily run amok. The Bible in Proverbs 15:18 (AMP) “A hot tempered man stirs up strife, but he who is slow to anger and patient calms disputes.” And the message version puts it this way “Hot tempers start fights, a calm, cool spirit keeps the peace.” When emotions are left uncontrolled, they can easily cause fires but when managed and controlled then peace can be maintained.
When talking about emotions and conflict or tension I remember a scenario that happened to me. One morning we called a plumber to come and attend something at our home that wasn’t working properly. As soon as I opened the door to welcome the gentleman, I noticed that the man was not delighted in what he was doing. I greeted him and he didn’t respond back rather he straight away asked what is it that needed to be done. I led him in and showed him the place but already in me I was getting agitated because the man had not wanted to greet me, also he was speaking in a rough way using words that I am not comfortable with as we walked into the house.
When I showed him the place where he had to attend, there was some stuff that needed to be moved before he started work. So, he commanded me in a rough way to remove the stuff and this got me more agitated. I was about to rebuke him sharply for his behaviour and attitude when I remembered that earlier in my morning devotion, I was reading about the beatitudes in Matthew chapter five so I tried to hold my peace. A lot of things were going on in my mind and my heart was beating fast I was really disturbed. However, I managed to quickly remove the stuff he wanted removed and I went into a separate space and started singing some worship song. He kept working and shouting by himself but after a while he was quiet. I went to him as he was concluding his work and he was much softer and by the time he left it was all smiles and cheerfulness.
I always think what could have happened if I had not restrained myself on this event, if I had spoken to him sharply as I felt like doing when he was speaking to me disrespectfully in my house. Definitely his day and my day were going to be both ruined if I had followed my feelings but by the help of God, I managed to control my emotions and the tension was diffused in no time such that the time he left he was cheerful and even wished me a great day. The Bible says in Proverbs 16:32 KJV “He that is slow to anger is better than the mighty; and he that ruleth his spirit than he that taketh a city.” That phrase “ruling his spirit” means controlling emotions and exercising self-restraint.
It is apparent that when our emotions speak louder than our reasoning, if we heed to emotions and ignore the voice of reason, we are prone to respond or react unreasonably. There is no doubt that when we are in conflict or in intense moments like what I was in that morning there are several voices that will be speaking to us all at once. The voice of emotions, the voice of reasoning and the voice of the trigger. Many a times the voice of emotions gains the upper hand because it appeals more to our ego and the present urge to address or respond.
However, scripture tells us that if one cannot control their temper or if they cannot silence or mute the voice of emotions then it will be fireworks all the way.
The scripture has said “Hot tempers starts fight”, uncontrolled emotions cause conflict to escalate so we all need to learn to control our temper we need to learn to silence the voice of emotions especially in conflict.
Learn to listen to the inner small voice, the voice of reason, the voice of God. There are different ways one can deploy in order to stay sober even in conflict. One can choose to walk away from the scene of conflict in a peaceful and respectful manner, one can pep talk themselves to calm down and be reasonable or you can pray and worship God. Whichever way you choose or you do make use of it to take control of the emotions. When emotions are not controlled, they may cause one to act unreasonably or speak unreasonably which they will regret later.
Be calm, be cool that way you will bring peace into the situation. You can only bring peace into the situation if you are at peace. Remember “A hot tempered man stirs up strife, but he who is slow to anger and patient calms disputes”.
God bless you.
Joseph Dhlakama
